


Soft

by captainflintsjacket



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brief description of injury, Bullying, F/M, Self Esteem Issues, Self-Loathing, Swearing, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 05:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20483378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: I’ve been feeling not so hot for the past few days so I thought writing about it would help things out. This fic is intensely personal to me, so I hope you guys enjoy it.





	Soft

More than anything you were glad your quarters didn’t have a mirror outside the bathroom. You weren’t sure you could handle looking at yourself right now, especially not in the skin-tight uniform top and the short skirt that came with it. You’d convinced Scotty a long time ago to let you wear coveralls instead, but the Captain had called you up to the bridge for briefing on an away mission, and you hadn’t been able to convince him to let you keep the coveralls on. Normally, you’d just pop on a pair of tights underneath and call it a day, but your last pair had torn where your thighs rubbed together and you hadn’t gotten around to fixing them yet.

That’s how you ended up in the turbo lift smoothing out the front of your red uniform skirt, hoping the knee-length black cardigan would be enough to cover your rear where the skirt rode up when you bent over. You pushed the sleeves up to the elbows, as much of your arms as you were comfortable showing off, and tied your hair up behind your head, eyes trained straight on the floor so you wouldn’t see yourself in the elevator doors.

“You can do this,” you muttered to yourself. “You can do this, because you’re strong and you’re good at your job and all that matters is fixing that shuttle.” You took a deep breath before the lift doors opened and you walked into the conference room.

You felt your ears burn as all eyes turned to you. A natural human reaction to noise, you reminded yourself, smiling weakly at the captain and a dark haired man beside him. He stared at you as you sat down, and you felt yourself flush more, quickly burying your face in the notes in front of you.

“Bones, this is Y/N,” Jim said with a smile, “best damn engineer on the ship. Don’t tell Scotty I said that.” He directed the last part at you.

“Trust me, Captain, he already knows,” you said. Jim smiled at you and Bones chuckled.

“We get about three engineers a day but don’t remember ever seeing you in Medbay,” he said.

You shrugged, trying not to stare too deeply at those beautiful eyes and messy hair. God, you wanted to run your fingers through it. “Guess I don’t get hurt a lot,” you said, ignoring the panic you felt creeping up at the mention of medbay.

“My kinda gal,” Bones said with a smile. If only, you thought bitterly.

You didn’t have long to wallow before Captain Kirk called the meeting to order. It was going to be a brief mission - fix the shuttle, fix the crew, and get the hell outta dodge. You would go in first to determine if the shuttle was stable and then patch up the crew. From there, Bones and his head nurse would work on patching things up while Jim talked to the conscious crew members to see what happened.

You tried not to get too excited about spending more time with Dr. McCoy, or Leonard, as he’d insisted you call him. It was easier to call him Doctor, though. Helped you forget about those soft brown eyes.

“You get your physical yet” Captain Kirk said, walking up beside you at the turbolift, making you jump.

You looked at him from the corner of your eye. “Did you?”

“No, but I’m the captain. Run by Bones before lift off. He’ll be happy to check you out,” Jim said with a wink.

Unlikely, you thought to yourself. You told Jim you would, knowing it was a lie. Instead, you ran back to engineering to prep your toolkit. You bolted back to the shuttle, slightly out of breath and very conscious of it. Your heart sank a little when you saw the only seat open was next to Bones, worried he’d wonder why you were so out of breath.

Still, you put on your best smile and set your kit away, squeezing into the seat next him. Your knees bumped and he pulled it back towards him as you mumbled an apology, squeezing your eyes shut and forcing yourself to breathe. To focus on anything other than the armrests digging into your hips.

When the shuttle took off, Leonard’s hand slapped down over your own, holding it in a vice grip. Your eyes shot open and you looked at him, immediately noting the panic on his face. He was staring dead ahead, not even blinking.

“Hey,” you whispered, slotting your fingers between his, “it’s gonna be okay, Bones. There’s not a thing that can go wrong on this ship that I can’t fix. Promise.” You smiled gently at him, rubbing your thumb in circles over his hand. He looked at you desperately, but you thought you saw his shoulders loosen a little. He didn’t respond, though, simply nodded and closed his eyes, leaning back into the seat. “Would it help if I walked you through how I’d fix it?”

Bones nodded again, and you squeezed his hand reassuringly before launching into a long-winded discussion of every problem that could crop up and exactly what tools and techniques you’d use to keep everyone in the air. By the time the shuttle landed, Bones was staring at you with rapt attention, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched your eyes light up. You’d forgotten all about the armrests.

It was quite a hike to the shuttle, and you were trying to keep your breathing under control, which inevitably just made it worse. It’s just breathing, you said to yourself. You need to breathe to live, so get over it. Even Leonard’s huffing a little! You glanced sideways at him, and sure enough, he was looking winded. He wiped sweat from his forehead and you felt a little better.

“How much farther is this damn ship, Jim,” he called ahead. “And remind me why we couldn’t just get transported straight to the crash site.”

“It’s right over this hill,” Jim called back, all smiles and not a drop of sweat in sight. “We could’ve transported, but we don’t know if there are hostiles. Safer to hike up. Besides, look at all the cool scenery.”

“Hostiles,” you said, not able to keep the worry out of your voice. You knew full well you wouldn’t be able to run from them.

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” Bones said, “Jim’ll keep us safe. If he ever gets his damn head out of those flowers.”

Fixing the patients was a breeze. Unfortunately, fixing the shuttle was a little harder. One of the engines was fried and had to be completely re-wired. You got a few nasty shocks in the process, but did your best to work through them.

“What the hell’s taking so long,” you heard one of the crew say from outside the ship.

You heard a snort, another man. “Have you seen her,” he said. “Probably had to take a couple snack breaks.”

It was like someone had replaced your blood with ice. You felt your throat close up and tears blurred your vision. You blinked them away quickly, putting your headphones in to block out the rest of what they were saying. If you’d waited another two minutes, you might’ve heard Leonard jump to your defense, but all you heard was the beautiful synthesized sounds of classical 1980s pop music.

When you were finished patching the ship, you threw your tools haphazardly back into the toolbox. You were careful to shove between the two men, standing up as proud as you could. “All done,” you scowled.

“About damn time,” one of the men muttered. You should’ve let it go. You know you should’ve, but that didn’t stop you from whirling around on him.

“Well it wouldn’t have taken so long if some dumbass hadn’t crossed your engine lines with your oxygen lines. Clearly, your engineer isn’t even capable of stripping a goddamn wire so you’re lucky I’m good at my job or you entire ship would’ve blown up on takeoff and none of you would be alive to make smartass comments.”

You spun on your heel and stormed off towards the your own shuttle. You felt everyone’s eyes on you, and your ears burned as tears worked their way back to your eyes. You wiped them on your sleeve, cursing at yourself quietly. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You heard Leonard calling after you, but you kept walking until a branch snapped in front of you.

Your eyes shot up, catching sight of the phaser before the creature behind it. You dropped your toolkit, and raised your arms as Jim came running up behind you.

“Stay where you are, Bones,” he called back. “I got her.” He raised his hands too, taking a step toward the alien and moving his body to shield you. “Let’s just talk about his,” he said softly. You saw the alien’s finger twitch before Jim and did the only thing you could think of: you threw yourself onto Jim.

The phaser blast stung your side before you came crashing down on the ground. Jim immediately rolled you onto your back before firing at the alien, sending them running. “Bones,” he screamed, pressing a hand against your side.

You felt a wave of nausea hit you. You tried to push his hand away. “Don’t.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Y/N?!” You could hear the panic in Jim’s voice, so you knew the hit must’ve been bad. “Bones get your ass up here now!”

You heard Bones curse before he dropped to his knees beside you. He pushed two hands over Jim’s, pressing firmly against your stomach as Jim pulled his hands off. “Two to beam up straight to Medbay.”

Your heart rate picked up again. “No, please. I’m fine,” you said, trying to push yourself up. Pain flared in your side and you saw white.

“Try that again and I’m sedating you,” Leonard scolded.

Jim was kneeling beside you again, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. “We’ve got you, Y/N. Don’t worry, we’ve got you.” You felt the warmth of the transporter as gold light enveloped you, but you blacked out before you reached Medbay.

It was the snoring that woke you up, not the pain. You cracked your eyes open, only to find Leonard slouched over in a chair sound asleep. You felt a pang of guilt when you realized he’d probably been here all night watching over you.

You pushed yourself gently into your elbows, careful not to twist your sides too much. In a moment of horror, you realized you were wearing a hospital gown, which meant someone had undressed you.

Not someone. Leonard. Leonard has seen you naked. The bio bed began to beep furiously as your heart sped up. You tried to calm yourself down, but it only seemed to work you up more until the bed started screeching. Leonard jumped up from the chair, blinking bleary-eyed as he remembered where he was before jumping into action. You were too exhausted to bite back the tears any longer, so you flopped back onto the bed, covering your face in your hands.

Leonard’s gaze immediately softened. “Hey, hey, what is it, sweetheart,” he said as he came to stand beside your bed. “Is it the pain? I can give you something.” He carefully waved a tricorder over your wound.

You shook your head, taking a deep breath to calm yourself. “How’s Jim?”

The tricorder stopped abruptly, and you peeked through your fingers at Bones, who was staring at you looking absolutely pissed. “Are you kidding me?”

“I fell on him,” you mumbled.

“You got shot, Y/N.” His raised voice echoed in the room.

“Yeah, but I fell on him, and in case you haven’t noticed I’m no underwear model” you said, waving an arm over your body. Your cheeks heated up again, and you avoided Leonard’s gaze.

Suddenly, everything clicked into place for Bones. He placed the tricorder gently on the nightstand as he pulled up a chair, resting his elbows on his legs. He ran a hand down his face, letting it fall between his knees. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding your physicals?” His voice was soft, not judging but still curious. You didn’t answer. “Y/N. Look at me.” Your gaze remained fixed on your hands as you played with the bed sheet that covered you.

Leonard sighed again and stood, reaching up to cup your face. He forced your head up gently until you were looking him in the eyes. Your chest tightened again as he stared down at you. His thumb caressed your cheek.

“Jim’s fine, Y/N, other than being worried out of his mind about you. Now tell me, is this really why you won’t come to your physicals? You’re worried about your weight?”

You closed your eyes, not able to take Leonard’s stare anymore. He looked hurt, almost. Just your imagination, a voice said in the back of your mind. “Come on, Bones, you’re a doctor. Can you honestly say this is healthy?”

“Does it affect you doing your job?” You shook your head slowly. “Then it’s fine in my book. Hell, you’ve got a steadier heart rate that half this damn ship and your blood pressure is lower than mine. You’re not unhealthy, Y/N.”

You swallowed against the lump in your throat. A tear slipped passed your eyelids and you swatted it away before Bones could. “You might be the only doc in the universe that thinks so.”

Leonard sighed again, dropping himself back into the chair. “I’m guessing that’s why you’re so hesitant to come to Medbay then. One too many bad experiences?” You nodded. “Look, sugar, any doctor worth their salt would be able to look past your weight at the real problems. Sounds to me like you just haven’t been in the right hands. That being said, if your weight is something you’re concerned about, we can work on it together.”

You laughed at that, remembering all the diet plans your old doctors suggested, the physical trainers you’d hired, all with the same disgust in their eyes, all ending in failure. Failure, failure. You wanted to trust Leonard, you did. “It’s not your problem, Bones,” you whispered back.

“I want it to be.” Leonard took your hand in his. “I want all your problems to be mine.”

You pulled your hand away. “No you don’t. I’ve got too many to count. You deserve someone more put together, someone better.”

“Darlin’, my heart damn near stopped when you walked in that conference room. I swear you look like an angel. No one else could come close.”

Your eyes shot to Leonard, looking for some tell that he was lying. He had to be. It had to be some trick that Jim put him up to. Except you knew Jim, and you knew he was too kind-hearted for something like this. If there was anything you’d learned from all the times Jim rattled on about Bones, it was that he had a heart of gold under that blue shirt.

Leonard must’ve sensed your distress because he squeezed gently on your hand. “I promise it’s the truth, Y/N. You’re the most beautiful gal I’ve ever seen.”

“Can’t be,” you croaked out, tears threatening to suffocate you.

“You are, and I’d be more than happy to remind you every day from now on.”

With that, he stood, leaning over to kiss your forehead. He leaned his head gently against yours. “So damn beautiful,” he whispered. You couldn’t help the sob that escaped, but he grabbed your hand before you could hide your face again. Instead, he brushed the tears off your cheek with his thumb, kissing both of your closed eyes, then your cheeks. His hand ran from your cheek down your sides, resting on your hip. It felt like it would burn a hole through the sheets. “So soft,” he murmured before pressing his lips against yours.

From that moment on, you and Bones were inseparable. Maybe you’d never looked like a model, but Leonard sure as hell made you feel like one, taking every chance he could to remind you how much he liked each and every one of your soft curves.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
